Something about my email name attracts hundreds of daily have-a-go spammers. I would take this as a compliment, but for the fact that they are certain of my need for penis enlargements, electronic goods and nose warmers. I'm torn between admiration for their determination - they never give up - and wonderment at their stupidity. I mean, never once have I opened a message about something that I was interested in, something I would actually want to buy. Surely it is only the clinically single that would buy viagra from these people anyway?? Or minions of the underworld that would want whatever tape deck they can re-flog on Moore Street. There's no shoes, no wonder-slim solutions, no tips to get through a bad hair day.
Of course, it's not limited to sales. There's also those enterprising young chancers that try and fenagle your bank account details. I have won more Nigerian lotteries than I could shake a whole pile of sticks at. I have been randomly selected thanks to my unbelievable good luck. Elderly women want to leave me money in their wills. The list goes on and on.
But all of these pale in comparison to the new breed of spammer. Oho, he's clever. He knows many tricks. He knows IRISH. I feel like giving the Manager of this Chinese bank all of my pin numbers just as a reward for learning a language that only Peig herself still knows. I certainly wouldn't learn Mandarin just to swindle a few susceptible Asian idiots. But a man of this commitment should be teaching in our schools (business and Irish for the Junior Cert maybe?). What's more, if he can spam in Irish he can probably converse in Latin, Ancient Greek and Clanger. The man is a genius. He can spam me anytime.
